Hours before this adorable video was made, our youngest was fighting for her life in the emergency room. Initially, when this video played for the first time today in my memories, my first thought instantly was actually the sound of the overhead announcer at the hospital that night saying “code blue ER, code blue ER.” Quickly, I blinked my eyes and refocused on how sweet she looked in the video and how cute she sounded, but if I am completely honest, I had to fight my thoughts to stay on something positive and not focus on the feelings that came flooding up causing tears to form. This video was made the day after she survived her emergency, and it amazingly inspired an entire hospital floor of nurses and medical staff to break out singing with her so why did the video seem to cause me pain today instead of joy?

According to a study by the National Library of Medicine, flashbacks were reported in 49% of the sample of trauma patients in their study. Many of the clients that come to our ranch suffer from flashbacks as a symptom of their Post Traumatic Stress, and unfortunately, this is my situation as well. Flashbacks can feel very real and be so vivid that it’s like you are reliving the moment all over again, and are triggered by places, sounds, people, situations, etc. Some of our clients have said that their flashbacks started to control their lives and as one client stated “I can’t function like a normal human anymore.” Post Traumatic Stress affects everyone differently and has a multitude of symptoms, but the good news is that with proper medical advice, people can learn how to deal with it and the flashbacks.

Initially, the video did spiral me into a rough couple of minutes. Though, over the years with lots of practice, I have learned to control my flashbacks that have accumulated from professional and personal traumatic experiences. As a mother, I have experienced quite a few traumatic moments with my children that no mother should have and those moments have affected me the most. After the first traumatic experience with my oldest twelve years ago, the feeling of hope that it never happens again saturated my mind. Unfortunately, these horrible moments in time kept happening as if it was going to be our new way of life. To be brutally honest, it became apparent to me that if something good doesn’t come out of these episodes then it may become more than I can handle. Somehow, through decades of personal traumatic moments as well as caring for many who lived their own horror, Southern Strides was created. After taking a trip down memory lane today that was headed in a downward spiral, I’ve concluded that my trip has changed directions and is headed towards a future with the lyrics “this is my fight ranch, take back my life ranch!” Watching my client’s from the sidelines of the arena every day take back their personal power and lives is one of the greatest gifts God has given me, and it wouldn’t be possible if I hadn’t experienced these awful moments in life. Even when it seems like there is no possible way, something good can come from what might have felt somewhat evil. Some of my greatest education and life skills have come from motherhood, but more importantly, my children are my inspiration to fight every battle that comes my way, and I hope that this video inspires others.

-Christina